>Confessions of a Queenie


This is gonna be a ‘thought-full’ post whereby it will probably not make any sense to those who are not in Singapore right now. I just need to get it out of my heart and thank a few people for the slaps along the way. Feel free to skip this and I promise a real post soon.

I am not dead. Nor am I having a psychotic breakdown and on the verge of jumping off the 11th floor. Yet.

For those who saw me on Monday, called me on Tuesday, wrote to me on Wednesday and slapped me on Thursday, I am so so sorry. You guys are probably ready to stab me anytime now and I could lie. I could lie and say that I was on coke or breeding unicorns. I could lie to myself that everything is fine and the world is beautiful but it is not. As my old psychologist used to say, the first step to a solution would be admitting the problem so I admit. I am self destructing. My behavior was absolutely disgusting for the past few week and the drama climaxed today. I am not a masochist but I enjoyed that slap in the face to wake me up. Although Naru and would NEVER had done that -.-

I used to hate her voice ringing out in my head here and there but now that its gone, it a really weird feeling. The sound of silence is wonderful but kind of creepy.
In fact, it was so silent that I went back to my roots -the only thing that kept me alive back then was music. So I started playing the cello again.

I never exactly gave up or quit the cello. Its just that things happen and I used busy as an excuse but now that I picked it up, I can really feel the music again.
Although she was the musical genius, I kind of got scraps of her talent. I mean I still suck at bowing and heaven bless my Bach but hey, I am playing Eric Clapton’s songs on my cello!
I ditched the classical side of my roots and went straight into the blues. In fact, the first song I played when I picked my cello up again had nothing to do with classical. It was Kiss From a Rose by Seal and I can do a mean rendition of that right now which is by no means concert standard but give me a few more months and I know I can polish my music up to her standard. Or at least, it is my standard now.

After all that banter, I just want to say thank you to everyone who put up with me. I am so so fortunate to have people who would slap me back to shape when I am self destructing.
I am still playing the blues, Hello Kitty is still miserable and nothing really changed. But I now know who to call when I start hallucinating Naru sitting in my living room using my computer.

Thank you S.

Tag Repiles:

Kino: haha he sleeps too much.

Chanel: Coffee soon dear!

JKT: He is fit. He runs faster than you do!

Categories: Ramblings

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